Wine Emergency

My friends and I have what we call wine emergencies. Anytime someone is feeling overwhelmed by raising children, a husband who doesn’t always quite “get it,” a bad day at work or all of the above, we can call a wine emergency. As in calling our circle of friends and saying “Hey, I need a wine emergency. My house, tonight at six.”

We all show up with leftovers, cheese and crackers, whatever else we can find in the fridge, and of course a bottle of wine. We offer each other advice and comfort. We laugh and yes, as our husbands describe it, we complain. When one of the husbands first saw something I wrote about a fictitious wine emergency in The Reverse Commute, he said “It’s wine? I knew you drank wine but I always thought it was a whine emergency.”

Now that I’m in Florida, far from my friends, I can no longer call a wine emergency. I started to think of all the reasons we’d called an emergency over the years. Some of them were minor silly problems, others big ones. Here’s a list of a few that came to mind:

  • My husband lost his job. Shit, now what?
  • Today at work I scanned 100 invoices to my email then sent 100 invoices to corporate. I’m worried copy machines may give you cancer if you stand in front of them long enough.
  • My daughter dropped out of college, hopped on a Greyhound bus and moved to Montana.
  • My son dropped out of college and earned no credits after two semesters. He said he was majoring in beer pong and keeping a journal on life in a frat house.
  • I bought the iRobot Roomba, come on over and check it out. (And we did-we sat and drank wine and watched this little disk roam around the room vacuuming. Brilliant!)
  • I am out of wine at my house and don’t get paid until Friday.
  • I have to go back for a repeat mammogram.
  • My husband is out of town on business. Yay!
  • My 11-year-old son asked me this morning, “Mom, was Dad always in a bad mood or is it the recession?”
  • My daughter came home with dreadlocks.
  • I was running late for work this morning and burnt the side of my face with the curling iron.
  • Did you hear that wind last night? Well, a tree fell on my van and totaled it.
  • My insurance company says they won’t cover the tree that fell on my van.
  • I had my annual review. My boss said I’m doing a great job, but guess what? Raise freeze.
  • My son got 3 D’s and 2 C’s on his report card.
  • I just realized I have a crush on Michael Moore. Michael Moore! Am I nuts?
  • My husband hates my haircut.
  • I meant to send a text message to you that I was taking a fake sick day, so let’s do lunch, and I accidentally sent it to my boss!
  • I had my annual review. They told me I walk too fast, the patients can’t keep up with me, I’m too efficient, and my laugh is annoying.
  • My parents were visiting for three days and have finally gone home.
  • I reached in my purse for eye drops and accidentally put lens cleaner in my eye. I thought I’d blinded myself. I’ve flushed it twice and it still stings.
  • My husband got laid off for the second time in his career.
  • I got laid off.
  • Again, we have no health insurance.
  • I have to go in for a meeting with the vice principal at the high school tomorrow.
  • I found a bag of weed and a bong in my daughter’s room. I’m bringing the contraband with me to the wine emergency.

Gosh, no wonder we drink! There isn’t enough wine in the world. I’d love to hear from you. Let me know some of your wine emergency topics. There’s nothing like a glass of wine and good friends to fix a bad day.

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